Back to school...

Another school year has begun, and I can hardly believe I've been teaching 10 years.  It gets harder each year, however, though you'd think the opposite to be true.  I sometimes laugh to myself that I studied counterpoint, took several language diction classes, 4 years of theory and history to say everyday, "If the notes go up, sing higher.  If they go down, sing lower."  Literally, it has come to that.

I do love teaching music, however, and don't think I could stomach another topic, or teaching kids who don't want to be in my room.  If only they sang in tune more consistenly, it would sound more like music, and less like abuse.

I forsee many changes in my near future regarding my life, and I don't quite know which direction to take.  This year is about letting go, and seeing what my heart finds.  It's terrifying, but I'm looking forward to making major changes.

Forgettable spring

I'm terrible at keeping up with blogging, but I love reading the blogs of my friends. The insanely beautiful weather has held up, and now, with April among us, it feels like a true April, which might be my favorite month. I love the rain. I love the grass growing wildly, more vibrant than the day before. I love planting, being outside, even doing outside chores, before the nasty Kansas heat kicks in.

Aside from the beautiful weather, it has been a rough few weeks. With the random passing of a friend and colleague, life has me asking many questions, and non-stop. They invade my sleep, wake me up, and still leave me with no answers. I am a very pragmatic person, and demand to know the reasons behind things. It's hard to succumb to the truth that I am not running the show, and life is not black and white.

I look forward to getting away this summer as much as possible, and enjoying my friends and family scattered throughout the country. I just wish I had more money to visit more people. It's hard to narrow it down each summer.

Feelin' Good

While I'm feeling this way, I am inclined to blog. I am extremely happy. January is my favorite month to teach. I feel like everyone, without even having to say it, feels renewed and empowered to start the year anew, vowing to work harder, whine less. While this lasts, I'm going to soak up every second of it.
Also, the unseasonably warm Kansas weather is completely confusing me. It is like March outside. We have not seen snow or ice, but it's bound to come, which is fine. I just hope it's one beautiful storm, then we can get back to March.

Happy Holidays

Wow. Totally forgot I had a blog. Am I so boring that I have nothing to say? Actually, yes. I work a TON. When I'm home, I am buried under the best two animals this world has ever seen.

Anyhoo, on my way to the Free State Holiday Party. Today was the last day of the semester, and I have no plans for break. "Boring again", you say? Maybe to you, but Chris is also off, so we shall do nothing together. Plans for the break:
1) Watch The Godfather and The Godfather II. I've never seen either of them. Don't judge.
2) Get back in the exercise habit. At least a little bit.
3) Sleep as late as I can everyday. This won't go past 9 am ever, but even that sounds like heaven.
4) Relax, de-stress, get my thankfulness back. I've turned into a grinch.

That is all for now. Merry Christmas to everyone reading this (hi Geneva!)
love,
hilary

Summertime

Oh yes, my friends. It is now, officially, summertime! I was supposed to go to school today to do grades, check out, clean up, but hells nah. I did that crap early. Slept until 9:30 this morning, still in my jammies at 1:32, and getting my herr did soon. Looking forward to cooking, watching movies as late as I want and enjoying a summer without school. I graduated last weekend (actually, I defended my thesis last July, so it wasn't that big of a deal), so I think I'm gonna get me a pool pass, some books, and see how the other half live.

If you too are enjoying summer, make yourself a cocktail now. Why not?

THE wedding

Ok, I admit. I watched the Royal Wedding. To be fair, I just watched the promenade from the Abbey to Buckingham Palace, and the kisses. Have to admit, though, my favorite part were just all of the hats. What kind of party can I attend, donning one of these crazy designs? Thanksgiving dinner? A play? Harbour Lights Thursday nights? I love them!

My So-Called teens

So I just recently discovered live streaming of Netflix through my Wii. I've never really used either too terribly much.

Anyhow, I decided to watch the entire season of My So-Called Life, one episode at a a time, and I must say, it brings back memories. Not just memories of watching the show (and believe me, when I was 15, I could recite the season verbatim), but memories of being awkward, and feeling invisible and like you're making everything up in your head.

I look back at pictures of myself at that age, and I looked just like Angela Chase (played by Claire Danes). Overalls, flannel shirts, obviously dyed red hair. What's interesting to me is how quickly tears came to her each episode. I would bet Claire cried an average of 3 times per 47 minute episode. It seems much harder for tears to come now, but when they do, man! I have to stay well-hydrated just to keep up. I cry now for reasons other than boys and friends. I usually just cry because I'm tired. There will be the occasional commercial that gets me, or even reading an obituary in the paper of people I've never known. Man, I'm old. I read the freaking obituraries each day? Wow.

Anyhow, I challenge anyone to watch a show they were incredibly familiar with during that changing period in their lives. I feel certain you will revert right back to where you were, but be thankful of coming out of it all alive, and hardly scarred.

Royal Wedding

Dear Will and Kate,

I will pay you exactly $13 to elope.

That is all.

hilary

Two years later...

OK! So I haven't updated my blog for 2 years?! Crazy. I'd enjoy getting back in the saddle of writing and reliving events, so here goes...now I just have to get people to care enough to read. Oh, well. Really, and let's be honest, this is for myself (and Geneva, my only follower)

In the past two years, I have completed my THESIS and MASTER'S degree. Score. I will be walking down that campanile once again in a month. This time, however, I shall skip the entrance into the stadium to listen to people tell me about the future, and real life. Been there before. Living it currently. How's about I walk down the hill, and to my brother's house down the street to be surrounded with loving friends and beer? Can I get a hell yeah? ::waits for the "hell yeah" reponse:: Fantastic!

Dearest world, I embark upon my first summer of complete freedom since my youth. I expect to fill it with the following responsibilities:
1) Make my garden so money
2) Visit the Aquatic Center, lie out in the sun, read books and possibly receive skin cancer.
3) Get on an airplane at least twice to visit friends scattered throughout the country.
4) Figure out what in the hell I'm doing with the 9th graders next year.
5) Victor Continental Show (July 22nd and 23rd)

This sounds like a great way to spend the two months I so dearly require to be refreshed and have my proverbial "CUP" filled.

As I head into my last month of choral work, I leave you with the secret to life I have discovered this year: Do what makes you happy. Even if you let people down every once in awhile, or can't really afford it. We all need to spend more time doing the things in life that fill our hearts, make us smile, and make our doggies wag their little tails.

People, people, people....let's get it together!

So, as I age, I grow less and less tolerant of "bad people". "Bad people" to me have the following characteristics:
*liars
*two-faced
*un-accepting
*lacking a back-bone (though I have no problems with reptiles, just humans lacking one)
*negative nancies (every word sounds like a whine, and the world is against them)

Lying is purely unacceptable to me. I learned at a very young age that I was a horrible liar, and that I might as well just tell the truth. As difficult as that can be sometimes (most times, I admit, I have no problem doing it), I think it's better overall. Get it out, deal with the punishment, eat your humble pie and move on.

In my youth, I encountered many liars. My brothers were two of the best liars ever conceived. However, as I get older, I realize that I cannot be friends with liars. If you lie to me, no matter how small, that shows incredible cowardice, and willingness to betray or deceive. I don't think I'm shallow for disallowing these people in my life. I just know what I can deal with, and what I cannot.

Oh, and people who flip others off while they are driving are the worst!

I don't mean to rant. I'm in a great mood. I'm just realizing that I enjoy my own company far too much, and I'd rather be alone, than be with people who fall as humans. I truly think that's fair. This line gets blurry when the people are my students. However, I think adolescence is the perfect time to learn values, and characteristics that will help you in the future. I don't feel like a 17 year old is at their prime in life, and it's part of my job to help teach them things beyond key signatures and the art of the messa di voce.

feeling better

Today I'm feeling much better. I've come to realize how normal it is for folks my age to question themselves. I'm not going to ever stop my desire to be somewhere else, but I'm just not quite ready yet.

I had my last day of vacation today, and spent it eating sushi, getting a pedicure, and taking my dog for a much-needed walk/run. I don't know that I will ever have children of my own, so I must look to my dog every so often for a refresher on how to have fun. She can run, jump and catch a frisbee for hours without tiring. She can also sleep for days on the couch with no worries. I felt it was time to take her out for a special day. It's been so cold lately, and the brick walks glazed with ice. Today, however, was the perfect day to stroll about town, and spy in windows. Don't act like you don't do it, at least a little.

Forever and ever

It's been an unbelievably long time since I've blogged. I accepted, with a teaching gig 6 years ago, that I would keep my personal thoughts and feelings off of the internet. I guess I've simply reached a point where I don't care, and I don't have anything interesting to say, in general, so if 16 year olds find my pet peeves and grocery lists intriguing enough to read, FINE!

So...where am I? At the corner of "I Got a Degree in Music for What" and "I'm starting to sigh when I sit down?" Insanity, I tell you. After teaching choral music for 6 years in Kansas, the land of aahhs, and my home for nearly 29 years (29? Jesus) I'm starting to crave unfamiliarity. I'd like to walk down a street and have no idea where the nearest coffee shop is. I'd like to sit at a bar, and ask about a beer on tap I've never heard of, or dared to taste. I'd like to see mountains on a daily basis, and I've realized this is something that has always lived within me. I just stowed it for a few years, bought a house, and "settled down" (as much as I am capable, anyhow). So...is this the normal thought for those of my age? Is this where I want to be? Hell, I have no clue. When do you know?

As I near completion of my thesis (the more I talk about actually writing it, the quicker it gets written, correct?), I wonder if I can start all over. I love music, I love high school students. I just don't feel like myself anymore. Even a trip to the grocery store is a public appearance and 20 minute conversation about work, when I simply needed paper towels and some milk. I envy those who make candles for a living. They show up, are left alone in a fragrant environment, creatively sculpt their work, then go home, and leave their candles at the store. Is this burned out, or is this a dire need to change professions? I want Samantha Brown's job, or Anthony Bourdain. OK, anyone on the Travel Channel could accidentally "take a fall", and I'd be there. How do I get into that?

So, sorry for all of the questioning. These things tend to arise around the first of the new year, and this year is no exception. I hope you are all cozy with your new presents (we got a wii!), and still questioning yourselves a little. I think it's normal. I just forget about it.